This post is for any parent
who has a teenage child or who is about to have children.
I work with teenagers. In
fact, I’ve worked with children and teens since I was 12 years old. First as a
babysitter, then as a teacher, a social worker and a youth worker. I also come
from a huge family with about 26 cousins, of which 13 are younger than me. So
I’ve seen those 13 grow up, very closely. In fact, because I love children and
I am good at taking care of them, my aunts and uncles were happy to have me
babysit and be their tutor anytime I could. Hence, I took care of almost all of
these 13 kids. Here in Montreal, with my current position, I work with about 20
youth a day. They come to our door with different types of issues, qualities
and backgrounds. And because I am their youth worker (not a parent or teacher),
they tend to be open enough and tell me everything.
Needless to say, when it
comes to teenage matters, I am kind of an expert. And today, I want to talk to
you about YOUR teenage child, more particularly the dangers that can come with
being a teenager.
All the teens that I’ve
worked with have one thing in common. No matter where they come from, no matter
what their social rank is, no matter their gender. All of them, at some point
in their lives hated, really hated YOU, parents. Now, that’s quite normal
because when you are a teenager, a lot of things change in your body and
hormones. And that also triggers emotional change. Teens are kind of stuck
between being a child and becoming an adult, and believe it or not, most
parents want them to stay children. So, when that happens they hate their
parents. It's completely normal, we all went through it.
But this is what is
dangerous. If that hate that they feel lingers too long, then the youth will
most definitely fall in what I call: “the danger of high-school”. High-school
back in our generation or your generation was very different from now. With the
rise of media and quick technology, kids have access to things very easily;
which means that, it’s very simple for them to fall in the danger of
high-school. In case you are wondering what those “dangers” are, let me talk to
you about a few: bullying (which can come with low self-esteem, loss of
confidence, lower grades, suicide thoughts), drugs & alcohol abuse (which
has a huge effect on the brain, personality and health in general), easy access
to weapons.
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| http://drmommyonline.com/coping-with-bullying |
I’m sure you
agree that these issues should not be taken lightly. The only people that can
prevent this from happening are parents. Not schools, not the government, not
even the kids themselves. When a kid becomes addicted to drugs or is a bully,
85% of the time, it’s the parent’s fault. And this is not to say that whoever
has a difficult kid is a bad parent; not at all. It can happen to a parent that
is doing the best he can on every level… But he is missing something.
You might be
thinking, “well, we were all teenagers, we know all this”. But do you really?
Back in our generation cyber-bullying did not exist. Bullying happened at
school and when we went back home it was over. Today however, since it’s on the
Internet, if follows you everywhere. Even if you change schools, people can
know about your story. Not to mention that people tend to be more cruel behind
a computer screen than face to face. So the effect of this type of bullying is
stronger and has a deeper effect on the person who is being bullied.
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http://www.simpalife.com/two-powerful-pictures-for-teens-and-parents-to-see/
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Now, let’s
take the example of addictions (drugs, alcohol, tobacco…). True, as teens we
could have access to these items too, but it wasn’t as easy as today. Most of
these drugs are extremely cheap, they are filled with chemicals and you can get
them way more easily. I guarantee you that if you stand near a metro
station—let’s say Berri-UQAM in Montreal—for more than 5 minutes, someone will come to sell
you marihuana (no matter how old you are). In addition, you can get all the
drugs you need on the internet anyway. There are even online recipes showing
you how to make speed or crystal meth.
Okay, I hope
I’m not making you panic right now. This is definitely not the point of this
post. I'm writing this to tell you that there is ONE thing that each parent
can do in order for their child not to fall in these traps. If you do what I mention below, there is almost NO chance that your kid
falls in that “high-school danger”.
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| http://hoichigenchem.wikispaces.com/3.+Listening+To+Others+With+Understanding+And+Empathy |
LISTEN TO
YOUR KID. Note that I said listen; not talk to your kid, not communicate
with your kid; LISTEN. This is crucial because as parents we tend to want to
tell our kids what to do. As soon as they give us some type negative info of
what is going on at school, we panic and we think: “oh no! I can’t believe he
did that… What am I going to tell his dad? Should I punish him? Maybe I should
reduce his allowance…” While we think this, we are NOT listening. And that’s
the biggest issue. If you listened, maybe you’d understand why your child did
that or did not to that (whatever that is). Maybe if you listened, you’d
actually understand that he did not actually do anything wrong but his friend
did. Maybe if you listened, you will see exactly what your child is going
through, and be able to help him better. LISTEN, LISTEN !
The best
place to listen to your child is of course at the dinner table. Research show
that families that eat together achieve better communication and build stronger
relationships. Children do better in school and are better adjusted as teens
and then as adults. “Frequent family dinners (five or more a week), are
associated with lower rates of smoking, drinking, and illegal drug use in
pre-teens and teenagers when compared to families that eat together two or
fewer times per week.” (Becky Hand, Dietitian). “Internationally, research has
demonstrated that kids who frequently eat with at least one family member do
better physically, socially and academically” (By Linda Watts, Vancouver
Courier).
Make it
happens parents!
